Once again a long time has passed and a lot has happened. I am really not coming around here much at all anymore. I don't really even feel like commenting on peoples art any more. I probably will at some time, I think part of it is just because of how friggen busy I've been, but also, I just don't really care much about here anymore.

...Uni
I've finally finished Uni for the semester. This semester has been a nightmare. I don't really remember ever feeling so stressed and having so much work to do. And I'm only taking two subjects. I nearly had a break down at one point, due to having to design a program and having to change it 3 times in a week because the printer we were using seemed like they couldn't actually do anything. I literally broke down in tears in front of my lecturer at one point.

But I am done. Thank Christ. My last exam was yesterday, and I don't think I did to well, but I honestly don't care much at the moment.

...Tasmania
Around mid-semester I went to Tassie to visit my friend, Sarah for her 30th Birthday. I went all by my lonesome even. It was pretty awesome. I stayed at the hotel grand chancellor which is a 4 and a half star hotel. I had an absolute ball with Sarah, and came home with a bag that was 3 times heavier than when I left.

...Remy
Remy is becoming a hilarious little boy. He's always telling jokes, and making things up. The other day he was patting my sisters cat and saying how he wanted one. I said he couldn't have one because daddy was allergic, and Remy said "We could get rid of Daddy."

...Baby
Things are still going well with the baby. I still get completely anxious about things going wrong, but now I can feel it kick pretty much all the time, so I get that bit of reassurance. Which is good. I have also been told it looks like its probably a girl. I have taken this to read, buy loads of my little pony clothes for babies.

...feeling like a terrible person
I am not feeling like the nicest person around at the moment. I will need to give a little background though.

When I lost my baby Paul's older brother said to me "Are you over it yet?" The first time he saw me. Which of course led me to burst into tears. After getting pregnant again, his wife was like "oh we'll be pregnant at the same time." Not even thinking about how hard it actually is for me to get pregnant and later on started telling me under what circumstances they'd get an abortion. I have to say that was the most uncomfortable conversation ever, considering I just got pregnant after having a miscarriage.

Anyway, I was really hoping they would take a while to get pregnant, just so they may have some inkling of what I'd gone through, but no, not only did they get pregnant straight away but they're having twins.

Now I can't help it but I honestly wish terrible things on them. I keep saying things like, well their babies will be really premature and lots of people I know who've had twins have had them die in hospital.

I feel really horrible. But I've actually told Paul to stop telling me any news about them so I don't have to think things like that about them. And I've been avoiding all family events that I know they will be at.

I am really hoping I get over this, because its going to be rather awkward when we both have our babies.


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